Well, here I am. I've been back in the states for about a week now. Tonight I have been snowed (or rather 'iced') in since about 6 pm and it just keeps coming down! I took a look at my bedroom when I got back and kept thinking how much it could use a good cleaning so tonight is the perfect night for that!
I started with my closet. First sorting out the clothes I do and don't wear and then out of the ones I do, the ones I should not! ha. This is typically a good feeling for me. Once I get everything all cleared out and organized I always feel much better. Tonight has been different. Tonight I look at piles of clothing and feel physically sick.
You see less than HALF of the amount of clothes I want to keep take up an overflowing 3 large laundry baskets. It would be a safe guess to say all of my clothes could easily take up 10+ baskets. I am not kidding when I tell you, I had no idea I owned this amount of stuff. I had things so tightly packed in my closet it was ridiculous.
It's a very typical thought, when I talk about Honduras people always say something to the affect of "We have so much here in America". It's a thought I've had many times, especially while I'm in or right after I get back from Honduras. That's really all it's been for me though, a thought.
Tonight, I look at my 3 overflowing laundry baskets and I see a small one room house with a family's combined amount of clothing equaling less than that.
How I long to be there. Thinking that I will be giving away the other half of my clothing there just seems so insignificant right now.
After my short month of serving in Honduras, I think I have just grown acustom to a more simple life. I'm overwhelmed by all the things I see in my room. In Honduras I had only what I could fit into my carry-on sized bags. (Which for me, is more than most but still!) When I woke up and got dressed my main thought was not of how I looked it was how I could serve Jesus more that day. Why is that so much more diffcult here? He is the same God no matter what country I am in but my life has so many more distractions around here. I have never thought of clothing as a distraction until now. I never realized how worrying about how I look in a certian outfit here differs from how God wants me to spend my life. Don't get me wrong. I am not saying that I feel everyone needs to give up they're cute clothing and dress like slobs all the time in order to please Jesus. Trust me, I have kept my fair share of nice clothing tonight and I plan on wearing it all still. I am just saying, to stop worrying. If we could stop over thinking how people will view us, if a shirt makes us look too fat, if a pair of pants don't fit just so, if your hair doesn't lay just the right way... then maybe we could see each other how God sees us. How God created us, beautiful, just like Him.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
A New House with a Tear Soaked Floor
Tears and sweat covered the floor. A woman stood next to me crying out to Jesus. Heads were bowed and hands were either holding each other or lifted high. We had just finished building a house. This is normally a time when the only tears shown are ones of joy. Today was much different.
Today Jen, Jess, the boys and I headed out to help the Mi Esperanza board build a house. The site we built on had a large extended family who all live in the same compound. It was quite the hike to get there from where we were able to park! The Mi Esperanza women were great to work with and we had the house mostly finished in just under 4 hours. We all were slightly patting ourselves on the back for how quickly and nicely we had done it.
It was one of the hottest days I've built in. As the last few pieces of the house were being nailed up, Jess and I sat inside the house to get away from the sun. I was visiting with a few Honduran boys when we heard yelling all in Spanish outside. Jess asked me what was going on and I, not paying too much attention, thought the women must just be excited that the house is done. As I listened in more I quickly realized it was angry yelling and men were yelling too. I looked outside to see 4 men dressed pretty nice accompanied by 2 police men.
The men said that their boss owned all of that land and they should not have built there. The family had papers of their ownership of the land but sadly, in Honduras, sometimes those papers mean nothing. Especially when the men seemed to be from money where they could afford a lawyer. The yelling went on for quite some time and we decided it best to hurry and get out of the way.
I stayed inside and the mother of the family came in sobbing. Jess and I hugged her and tried to console her as best we could. I looked over to see one of her sons who was probably about 13 years old hiding his head in his shirt crying. I went over and held him as he wept. He had worked so hard with us all day on the house. He was soaked with sweat from how hard he worked and now he was soaked with tears.
As yelling still went on outside, we gathered the family to pray inside as we always do after a build. Luvin prayed and did so quickly so that we could leave the family to figure out the property issue. I was humbled at what came after his quick prayer. One of the Honduran women was praying at the same time as Luvin. After Luvin was done she went on. It was the most heart felt prayer I have ever heard in my life. It was completely in Spanish so I couldn't understand much but I could sense God with us. With almost every word she spoke a tear fell to the floor. She gave thanks to God and praised him over and over again. When most would be asking for more of God, she praised Him for what they had and we all felt Him near.
It was humbling to realize as we wanted to leave them to figure things out, they put their trust in God to figure it out. God is in control, siempre (always).
Spoken in the woman's prayer today over and over.. "Gracias a Dios! Jesus es Senor!"
('Thank you God! Jesus is Lord!')
This is some of the walk to the house
The beginning of building
Isn't she precious!?
Some of the famliy
Today Jen, Jess, the boys and I headed out to help the Mi Esperanza board build a house. The site we built on had a large extended family who all live in the same compound. It was quite the hike to get there from where we were able to park! The Mi Esperanza women were great to work with and we had the house mostly finished in just under 4 hours. We all were slightly patting ourselves on the back for how quickly and nicely we had done it.
It was one of the hottest days I've built in. As the last few pieces of the house were being nailed up, Jess and I sat inside the house to get away from the sun. I was visiting with a few Honduran boys when we heard yelling all in Spanish outside. Jess asked me what was going on and I, not paying too much attention, thought the women must just be excited that the house is done. As I listened in more I quickly realized it was angry yelling and men were yelling too. I looked outside to see 4 men dressed pretty nice accompanied by 2 police men.
The men said that their boss owned all of that land and they should not have built there. The family had papers of their ownership of the land but sadly, in Honduras, sometimes those papers mean nothing. Especially when the men seemed to be from money where they could afford a lawyer. The yelling went on for quite some time and we decided it best to hurry and get out of the way.
I stayed inside and the mother of the family came in sobbing. Jess and I hugged her and tried to console her as best we could. I looked over to see one of her sons who was probably about 13 years old hiding his head in his shirt crying. I went over and held him as he wept. He had worked so hard with us all day on the house. He was soaked with sweat from how hard he worked and now he was soaked with tears.
As yelling still went on outside, we gathered the family to pray inside as we always do after a build. Luvin prayed and did so quickly so that we could leave the family to figure out the property issue. I was humbled at what came after his quick prayer. One of the Honduran women was praying at the same time as Luvin. After Luvin was done she went on. It was the most heart felt prayer I have ever heard in my life. It was completely in Spanish so I couldn't understand much but I could sense God with us. With almost every word she spoke a tear fell to the floor. She gave thanks to God and praised him over and over again. When most would be asking for more of God, she praised Him for what they had and we all felt Him near.
It was humbling to realize as we wanted to leave them to figure things out, they put their trust in God to figure it out. God is in control, siempre (always).
Spoken in the woman's prayer today over and over.. "Gracias a Dios! Jesus es Senor!"
('Thank you God! Jesus is Lord!')
This is some of the walk to the house
The beginning of building
Isn't she precious!?
Some of the famliy
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Talonga and Reina
At Amber's building there is a couple named Talonga and Reina. They are from the streets and both drug and alcohol addicts. In order to live at Amber's building they had to get clean. They did and then became 'house parents' to the others when they would come to stay. They both have such good hearts and I have come to have a soft spot in my heart for both of them.
Reina is 32 years old, HIV positive and pregnant now. She is for sure a hard worker at the building and helps out with anything she can.
Talonga is 26 years old and HIV positive as well. To look at him you would think he was AT LEAST 46. The hard life he's had has definitely worn on his fragile body.
In the few weeks that I've been here I have seen Reina and Talonga at some pretty low points. The first week when the group was still here we got to the building to find out that Talonga had been drinking again and was not allowed to live there. When Reina showed up that we realized she too had been drinking. It was so hard to see her like that especially when I had seen so much hope in them before.
They promised to stay clean and were let back in on the condition that if it happened again they would be out for good.
About 2 weeks ago we went to the building and Darwin told us that they both were kicked out. He had heard from the others that they had been doing cocaine. When he asked them Reina denied it but Talonga said he had.
Reina came over to us with tears streaming down her face and asked David for money for a hotel. I know it took everything inside of him to have to tell her no. I stood there hugging her and Jess talked to her. Jess told her that she had done many dumb things in her life too and she needed to just keep relying on God. He will provide her every need. She went on for a minute in English and before David even translated Reina was nodding her head in agreement. We watched as she gathered her small plastic bag of belongings and had to leave. I knew what was done was what had to be done but there was a big part of me that wanted to just go grab them and tell them to come home with us.
A few nights later we went to the building to see both Talonga and Reina there. Reina ran up to hug us with the biggest smile on her face. She told us that she had been telling the truth all along and she was allowed to live there again. She kept pointing up and praising God for His faithfulness. I loved seeing her giving all the credit to the One her guided her through those dark, scary nights.
I never got the whole story on why Talonga was let back in but after seeing him that night it didn't really matter to me. He sat outside the building with his knees tucked to his chest. David and I went over and sat next to him and told him how happy we were for him. Talongaa is a quiet reserved man in the first place but this night he seemed extremely humbled to me. He started telling us about how he had been studying a few passages in the Bible. One being the story of the prodigal son. I think this story really hit home with him after using drugs again and then being shown the grace to be let back in the building. As he spoke tears filled my eyes. He talked about wanting to be the change in his area. He told us how he wanted his baby to grow up seeing him as a servent of God and not an alcoholic. He went on and on and I could have sat there forever listening. He only speaks Spanish and I couldn't understand everything he said but what I could touched me and how he spoke about it humbled me.
Reina is 32 years old, HIV positive and pregnant now. She is for sure a hard worker at the building and helps out with anything she can.
Talonga is 26 years old and HIV positive as well. To look at him you would think he was AT LEAST 46. The hard life he's had has definitely worn on his fragile body.
In the few weeks that I've been here I have seen Reina and Talonga at some pretty low points. The first week when the group was still here we got to the building to find out that Talonga had been drinking again and was not allowed to live there. When Reina showed up that we realized she too had been drinking. It was so hard to see her like that especially when I had seen so much hope in them before.
They promised to stay clean and were let back in on the condition that if it happened again they would be out for good.
About 2 weeks ago we went to the building and Darwin told us that they both were kicked out. He had heard from the others that they had been doing cocaine. When he asked them Reina denied it but Talonga said he had.
Reina came over to us with tears streaming down her face and asked David for money for a hotel. I know it took everything inside of him to have to tell her no. I stood there hugging her and Jess talked to her. Jess told her that she had done many dumb things in her life too and she needed to just keep relying on God. He will provide her every need. She went on for a minute in English and before David even translated Reina was nodding her head in agreement. We watched as she gathered her small plastic bag of belongings and had to leave. I knew what was done was what had to be done but there was a big part of me that wanted to just go grab them and tell them to come home with us.
A few nights later we went to the building to see both Talonga and Reina there. Reina ran up to hug us with the biggest smile on her face. She told us that she had been telling the truth all along and she was allowed to live there again. She kept pointing up and praising God for His faithfulness. I loved seeing her giving all the credit to the One her guided her through those dark, scary nights.
I never got the whole story on why Talonga was let back in but after seeing him that night it didn't really matter to me. He sat outside the building with his knees tucked to his chest. David and I went over and sat next to him and told him how happy we were for him. Talongaa is a quiet reserved man in the first place but this night he seemed extremely humbled to me. He started telling us about how he had been studying a few passages in the Bible. One being the story of the prodigal son. I think this story really hit home with him after using drugs again and then being shown the grace to be let back in the building. As he spoke tears filled my eyes. He talked about wanting to be the change in his area. He told us how he wanted his baby to grow up seeing him as a servent of God and not an alcoholic. He went on and on and I could have sat there forever listening. He only speaks Spanish and I couldn't understand everything he said but what I could touched me and how he spoke about it humbled me.
Friday, January 14, 2011
The Things You do for Love
This morning Jen and I woke up at 4:40 to go get the brothers and take them to breakfast before school. They were beyond excited to see us at their house that morning. Waking up was a killer but seeing their faces and knowing they were going another day not hungry made it more than worth it!
Once we got them to school poor little Antonio realized in all the excitement this morning he forgot his back pack. He was sobbing! So we spent a few minutes comforting him until we realized, he was this upset because he had the left over pizza in it that was supposed to be his lunch. It broke my heart to see such a little boy have to worry about when and where his next meal would come from. Thankfully we had some breakfast leftovers in the truck with us and he was able to take that and off he went!
After we got back Jen and I snuck in about 20-30 minute naps and we were off again! We took Jenn Hines to the airport for her to head back to the states for 2 weeks. After lots of running around and long talks about the brothers we went and bought them some rice, beans and eggs along with a a big thing of fried chicken and fries for dinner tonight and took it over and got to hang out with them a bit. You would think after getting up so early for them this morning we would be bound for bed but chasing those cute brown faces around for a bit was way better! Its funny the way God will guide you and give you strength in the most simple form when you are serving and loving for Him. And now we are home and ready to hit the sack! Please keep those precious boys in your prayers!
Once we got them to school poor little Antonio realized in all the excitement this morning he forgot his back pack. He was sobbing! So we spent a few minutes comforting him until we realized, he was this upset because he had the left over pizza in it that was supposed to be his lunch. It broke my heart to see such a little boy have to worry about when and where his next meal would come from. Thankfully we had some breakfast leftovers in the truck with us and he was able to take that and off he went!
After we got back Jen and I snuck in about 20-30 minute naps and we were off again! We took Jenn Hines to the airport for her to head back to the states for 2 weeks. After lots of running around and long talks about the brothers we went and bought them some rice, beans and eggs along with a a big thing of fried chicken and fries for dinner tonight and took it over and got to hang out with them a bit. You would think after getting up so early for them this morning we would be bound for bed but chasing those cute brown faces around for a bit was way better! Its funny the way God will guide you and give you strength in the most simple form when you are serving and loving for Him. And now we are home and ready to hit the sack! Please keep those precious boys in your prayers!
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